Lara's Crofts Journey: AOD
by TombZelda02
Summary: Well this is MY version of A.O.D. just read and find out whats going on! Enjoy! SIXTH CHAPTER UP
1. Getting to the Parisian Back Streets

Lara Croft's Journey  
  
Chapter One: Getting to the Parisian Back Streets  
  
Hello people out there. Here is yet another story that I feel like writing about. My other stories (well some) aren't even finished, but oh well, I'm the writer!!! :: coughs :: um well anyway Its first period at my high school thingy, and today's a testing day! Yay tests.........anyway I feel like writing, so um...here it goes.  
  
This is a re-make of the Angel of darkness mixed in with some stuff that I'm just gonna randomly make, hee hee, why, because I can.........okay not really I'd get sued, but not if I put a disclaimer!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Lara Croft or anything that is related and or situated with Lara Croft. I am merely a fan writing a story.  
  
Now here it goes!  
  
Lara had just been at Von Croys apartment in Paris, they had an argument, he pulled out a gun, and she blacked out. When she woke up Von Croy was dead, on the floor, with the most horrible Parisian scent on him!  
  
Lara- :: slowly walks up to Von Croy :: :: sniff :: :: sniff :: oh gawd!!! Parisian cologne! :: faints::  
  
A little while later, after "raiding" his fridge, and robbing him of his money in his wallet, with a little picture in it with some old lady, it was sick, Lara escapes from the apartment, her backpack bouncing within every single step she took. Money in one hand and a banana in the other.  
  
Lara- Hope no one sees me, I mean gosh look at my clothes, they reek of bodily sweat! oh yeah and theres some of that mofos blood on it. Anywhoo just gotta get to.........um wait don't know. :: continues walking down street ::  
  
AND THEN just out of nowhere a van with two people that look like they came out of a Tom Clancy book/game thingy emerged from a corner and two dogs jumped out. Lara ran with all her might, broke into another apartment complex, the dogs were getting closer, she ran down a hall, and with her bad sight she couldn't see that there was only a window at the end. She stopped, the dogs rammed into her, and she fell out of the complex. The dogs had her back pack, but she couldn't go back, she needed to take a shower and take one fast.........oh and um...look for that lady that mofo was talking about.........Caravan.........Carivie.........oh no wait, Carvier, heh I remembered, hee hee. She continued running, and since this is a game, she didnt get tired, I believe they called them megahoohoos or something like that, some kinda pill she takes when you don't see her or something, I'm not sure, its hard to explain. Anyway she finally finds some door, opens it, continues running, sees a rail, and since shes too cool to use the other door she saw, she just vaulted over the rail, landed on the floor and looked up with the look in her eyes like "jabona!". Suddenly the whole place goes black, then theres this picture of the place shes at, and it says "Parisian Back Streets", shes confused, but hears music starting to play and is comforted. The screen lights up again, and Lara takes a look at herself.  
  
Lara-Oh gawd, look at me, what does this guy have his resolution on?? (if you played the AOD game for the PC you'd understand) Well whatever, :: looks at camera :: oh.........this looks like a safe area.........blah blah blah, gotta find a way out.  
  
She looks to her right and sees another hall way, runs over, and nearly trips at some stupid dogs barking. She kicked the dog, and with some cheat, she miraculously gets her two guns that shes doesn't get all at in the game.........erm story. Anyway she kills the dog, stares at it.  
  
Lara- omg omg omg omg! Look the dog's blinking to its death! how funny! :: laughs like evil little cheer leader :: uh huh!  
  
anyhoo she continues walking to the little hall way, finds a door walks real close to it then  
  
Lara-omg omg omg omg omg omg, look my hand!!! Its like so totally next to me, hmm.........can I touch it?? :: pokes hand and gets shocked :: um.........never mind. Well maybe if I just did what I heard me tell myself a while ago "press the action button" but I wonder where that is..........:: touches self :: ahh nope, what the hell ill just open the door. :: controlled voice :: The door is locked. :: regular voice :: what the hell......... ohhh yeah this is the unfinished level, well they had it done a while back, but you know they decided on changing it, well whatever.  
  
Lara walks back over to where she started at and just stands.  
  
Lara-Well might as well get started.........who knows whats gonna happen from here on out.........heh maybe a masked guy named Charlie is gonna do a dance for me at some club with a gun in his hand, and some hooker outside is gonna tell me to move.........:: thinks for a while :: nah that'll never happen! hee hee.  
  
End of Chapter  
  
Okay so that was the first part. Ima try to make a chapter for every level or just make one up for me and cover an real level with it, like instead of "the lost domain" how about "the lost domino" or something, ah well I'm sure Ill think of something. Please R&R thanks in advance!!!!  
  
Next Chapter: Parisian Back Streets 


	2. Parisian Back Streets

Lara Crofts Journey : AOD  
  
Chapter Two: Parisian Back Streets  
  
A/N There are two sets of lara, Controlled Voice Lara (ex CVLara- blah blah) that is the lara that talks automatically, and tells you stuff that you need to know. The regular Lara, which you control in the game that only makes grunting noises, is plainly Lara (ex Lara- blah blah blah ) hope thats not confusing, enjoy! oh and even though there are no reviews yet, I'll still write...BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Here it is:  
  
We last left off...you know nevermind, just read :D  
  
Lara stood there, in the same spot...right next to the candy bar on the floor.  
  
Lara-Should I pick it up?..._ It might be dirty...it is on the floor, opened and stuff...well uh ....:: thinks :: :: picks up candy bar ::  
  
She looked around for a while, sees (okay and im sorry for mixing the kind of writing tenses, like furture past present...i just cant choose on one :D ) a bin, and walks towards it.  
  
CVLara-That bin looks climbable.  
  
Lara-Whoa...that needs to stop. I dont even get a warning or anything _ ugh...well whatever :: continues walking to bin ::  
  
CVLara-Stop at the bin, press the up cursor key--  
  
Lara-Gawd, I hate this.  
  
Five Hours Later  
  
CVLara-Now jump and press the action button to grab the ledge.  
  
Lara-WHAT IF YOU DONT KNOW WHERE IT IS?!?!?!  
  
CVLara-Well then you're screwed...:: cough :: I mean...ugh?  
  
Lara-O_O  
  
Lara decides to jump anyway...remember that cheat I talked about in the last chapter? Well it also included having all of the upgrades (and I really do have that!!! :D ) and she made the jump.  
  
Lara walked for a little, found a litle path to a pipe and then--  
  
CVLara-I can hop to the other side.  
  
Lara-AHHHHHHHHH!!!! :: pulls out hair ::  
  
INTERMISSION  
  
We'll be back soon.  
  
Lara-Okay...and we're back!  
  
Lara jumped to where the pipe thing was, climbed it, shimmyed ( did I spell that right...ah well ) all the way to the opening in/on the roof of the building and climbed up.  
  
CVLara-Great, I cant waste time, I need to get to...Cara...Caravan....Cardios....ugh!...Carvier's appartment!.  
  
Lara-What a twit.  
  
CVLara-You shut up.  
  
Lara-Whatever  
  
CVLara-Dont sass me young lady.  
  
Lara:: sticks tongue out ::little english twit.  
  
CVLara-Yeaaaargh!  
  
Lara-Banana!  
  
CVLara-Ugh...  
  
Later Lara found a crowbar and went to back to a little shed on the roof top and uses the crowbar to open it.  
  
CVLara-I feel stronger now.  
  
Lara-Omg! Stop! :: looks around :: people are gonna think I'm a looney!  
  
CVLara-I wanna be the smart bunny  
  
Lara-Dammit, not that kinda of looney!  
  
CVLara-No ones here anyway, midget!  
  
Lara-Fuzzbutt!  
  
CVLara-OOOOOH, how mature, leave me alone alreday.  
  
**********LATER*********  
  
Lara found a gun and went back to where she found the crowbar, at a little ledgy thingy.  
  
CVLara- I need to shimmy--::lara slaps herself, slapping CVLara ::  
  
Lara-Stop it! I'm just gonna do a sprint-jump, K? Little Crangowa.  
  
CVLara-GASP!!!  
  
Lara-Heh, yeah :: flips hair ::  
  
Lara breaths in and out, then performs the sprint-jump.  
  
Lara-:: jumping :: YEEEEEEE HAW!!!  
  
CVLara-NOOOOO!!! You jumped over my talking spot! :: thinks about it :: I NEED TO MOVE QUIETLY! PRESS THE STEAL-- :: lands ::  
  
Lara-I'm here, okay so I need to check if anyones here...what the hell, I know already!  
  
Lara-Hmm...I suppose I could try to slowly gang up on the guy...or...:: thinks ::  
  
Two Minutes Later  
  
Guy-Man, I hate this!...I didnt know that MLLE Carve...Caragan...uh Carvier was alergic to deordant!...Damn this "time-out"!!! :: sigh :: AND I have to hold her gun, what the hell?! Its not like I'm gonna need it, no one will ever look for someone as dangeriously-looking-yet-not-dangerious-at-all as me. ack! _!!!  
  
But what Guy (and that IS his name) didnt know was that Lady Lara Croft was watching him...talking to himself...oh and that she thought that he thought that Lara Croft was a bad person and had to be arested or shot, even though he had no idea about her. He thought Lara Croft was some kind of bra or mongoose breeding company.  
  
OH yeah, so Lara watched him...the loook in her eyes like "chikka ban choo chikka chikaa Shaaa!!" After a bit, she did a side flip/jump, pulled out her guns and....and...  
  
CVLara-I cannot jump and shoot at the same time nitwit!  
  
Lara-OH yeah, taken out of the game...wait what?!  
  
Since she had all upgrades from the cheat code, the jump was too powerful and she flipped over a rail, fell to the ground, and became a "rag doll" all weridly dying and stuff. Her legs and arms limbless...just plain gross.  
  
CVLara-GAME OVER  
  
Lara-I know that dammit, stupid life gage...damn you life gage, DAMN YOU!!!  
  
Big letters appear but turn small, which wiggs out lara.  
  
GAme OVer....  
  
Lara-Okay...well :: looks around :: what now?  
  
CVLara-Since you didnt save, you have to start over.  
  
Lara-AWW! :: slaps self ::  
  
CVLara-Ow  
  
Lara-Whatever :: starts over:: dammit...  
  
Picture pops up "Parisian Back Streets"  
  
Ten hours Later  
  
CVLara-Why cant you do it right?!  
  
Lara-What?! You keep saying "press the left cursor key to get off the top" of the ladder, Look! :: mentally presses right cursor key :: See!!  
  
CVLara-You nitwit! Thats RIGHT!!! Not LEFT!!!  
  
Another Ten hours later  
  
CVLara-V-A-U-L-T over the rail, stop trying to swan dive!  
  
Lara-:: rolls eyes ::  
  
Another Ten hours later  
  
CVLara-I bet they stopped looking for you already--  
  
Lara-Shut up! Okay, so now I'm at the place where I died, well where I did the stupid side flip and fell onto the smelly Paraisian Back Streets. The guy is still talking to himself, and well now I'm gonna do this right.  
  
CVLara-Hah!  
  
Lara-You shut up, and dont talk to me right now.  
  
Lara slowly approached Guy and "pressed" the action button mentally, making her spin Guy around, throw him on the floor and--  
  
Lara-Ahh, stop squirming! Just--No! Sto--will you?!--Argh, STOP MOVING YOUR HEAD!!! Ah--Just, No, Stop--AHH!! :: punches him in the face ::  
  
Guy-:: blinks to death ::  
  
Von Croy-AWWWWWW  
  
Lara-Quiet you, you're dead.  
  
Von Croy-:: dies ::  
  
Lara-Okay so that um...was pointless, well whatever :: picks up key for gate ::  
  
She walked over to the gate, unlocks and opens it, then places herself on the ladder next to it.  
  
CVLara-Have to get to Carvier's Appartment!  
  
Lara-Quiet dammit! You already said that! Ugh...ahh! Why cant I move down?! ( once again, PC game AOD makes more sense in this part, it has a bug of "no moving down on some ladders" or "no moving at all", but but sometimes you can move up :D ) Its that damned bug, Y2Lake or summfin, whatever that means.  
  
CVLara-Just let go already.  
  
Lara-Im scared though.  
  
CVLara-Comeon! You once faced the erm..face of Set!  
  
Lara-o_o  
  
CVLara-You know, the GOD, the one that nearly killed you while you were still in his temple...come on! You just came back from doing all this stuff related to it!  
  
Lara-Nope, dont recal. but fine, I'll let go. :: lets go :: :: falls :: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! :: hits floor and dies :: but since she hit the "level loading" spot, the next level loads anyway.  
  
CVLara-dammit.  
  
End of Chapter.  
  
MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Well hoped you enjoyed it...I wrote this while in testing for the Southern California state thingy, hee hee :D  
  
Stay tuned for next chapter :D  
  
Next Chapter:  
  
That appartment place. 


	3. Derelict Apartment Block

Lara Croft's Journey: AOD  
  
Chapter Three: That Apartment place  
  
Okay so um...I just noticed that I have been spelling apartment wrong :D ah well. Thanks for the reviews, I didn't think I'd get any...lol :D  
  
Here it goes:  
  
Lara woke up after falling to her half demise thing. The next level was loading, but before that could happen, there was a cut-scene.  
  
The Lights dimmed and then everything went green.  
  
Lara-what the hell? Neon?  
  
CVLara-No, its not neon, ...summer green?  
  
Lara-I dunno, who cares, ooh look, another apartment place to break into! yay....:: cough :: well yeah -_-....hmm...what is that.  
  
Lara suddenly hears a helicopter, and looks up, then everything is back in its original color...then green again. Then she hears people running, just around a corner, that's just around another corner, that's just behind the "Adult Film" store, then around another corner.  
  
Lara-my spider senses are tingling...  
  
CVLara-:: slaps self ::  
  
Lara-ahhh, people! gotta get in! :: opens apartment complex door :: :: puff :: :: puff :: :: locks door, then just stands there ::  
  
Another big picture comes up, and shows a guy and other stuff with the words "Derelict Apartment Block" ...I think I'm not sure.  
  
CVLara-Get your facts straight....um...okay  
  
Lara-Gotta move quick? :: stares at lockers next to door :: If I move it in front of the door, I might have more time to escape or something.  
  
CVLara-Well do it then.  
  
Lara-but I dunno if I should....:: thinks :: :: camera moves closer onto her face ::  
  
CVLara-this was never in the game.  
  
Lara-:: camera continues moving closer :: :: sweat drops roll down her face :: :: she starts heavily breathing :: ACK! I dunno! Run away!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!! :: runs to stairs ::  
  
Then all of a sudden, the people slam open the door, and two guys throw in some kinda can o' gas in there, while another guy runs in. Now what is about to happen, was caused by sheer mistake, Lara was not thinking clearly. Some say it was her diet that caused such an outbreak, lets show a flash back.  
  
:: wavy screen ::  
  
Lara one hour before she went to Von Croy's apartment, at some restaurant named "Buffalo Smithers old town cooking style of the 1920's"  
  
Lara-Yes I would like "buffalo supreme"  
  
Waiter guy-Now will that be full of half?  
  
Lara-Make that a full buffalo, heh heh, Von Croy's gonna be felling some heat tonight!  
  
************ Some say it was the fact that she forgot to take her memory-1-a-day-pal pills.  
  
Or perhaps she was just angry at the fact that she didn't know how to shampoo her hair. Lets have another flash back.  
  
:: wavy screen ::  
  
Lara-:: in shower :: Rinse and repeat?....but how many times?! and when the hell am I supposed to take off my clothes?  
  
************  
  
Some even say that it wasn't her, but some geeky dude writing about her, making her to do such a thing.  
  
But whatever the reason, it was just....not in level.  
  
Lara stopped running up the stairs, took out her two guns, turned around, and ran back down the stairs, seizing the three guys, she killed them all.  
  
Lara-:: stares down at one of the guys dead bodies :: I swear I didn't kill Von Croy!!!!!!!!! Im Innocent :: keeps smaking guy with guns ::, INNOCENT.  
  
But then she just realized that she could step outside, and she might not have to go through the horrible level that just wastes more of your life. She walked outside...and....well it was outside, nothing special really. So she went back inside, completed the level, then the next Level started.  
  
But before she plays the next level, she would like to talk to you, yes you, the reader, its about senseless killing.  
  
Lara-:: sits on special chair, with her other self, CVLara :: Hello out there. I'm Lara Croft, and I just wanted to talk to you about hair reproduction.  
  
CVLara-senseless killing lara.  
  
Lara-Oh yeah, senseless killing. Its wrong and shouldn't be done.  
  
CVLara-Yes, if you want to be a good person, be the opposite of Lara, she's a real hag.  
  
Lara-Take a look at this video, ...now!  
  
:: video starts ::  
  
Lara is underground and there is a guy there, a rat and a bag of pig skins. Now she gets the pig skins and looks directly to the guy.  
  
Guy-You took my pig skins.  
  
Lara-No I didn't.  
  
Guy-...um yes...yes you did.  
  
Lara-Quite you! :: takes out guns and shoots guy ::  
  
Peirre-Awwww  
  
CVLara-You're not supposed to be here.  
  
Lara-Well at least I didn't shoot that damned rat, right?  
  
****End of Video****  
  
Lara-See, that's not the right thing to do.  
  
CVLara-:: shakes head :: no, no it isn't.  
  
They look at each other, and Lara takes out her guns.  
  
CVLara-omg, Lara NO!  
  
:: screen goes blank ::  
  
Lara-And we're back!  
  
Camera moves to CVLara, who is on the floor with a huge cast on her hip.  
  
CVLara-someone please hel--:: Lara kicks her ::  
  
Lara-Do I need to bring back "Mr. numchuckies" back into the room?  
  
CVLara-oh god no....  
  
Lara-And this has been a infomercial on hair reproduction.  
  
CVLara-senseless killin--:: Lara again kicks her ::  
  
Okay so now we're back in the game.  
  
Lara just finished the Derelict Apartment Block Level, and is now ready for the next, but that's in the next chapter, so um...bye.  
  
End of Chapter.  
  
Okay so yeah short. But I wanna start on the Industrial Rooftops level already...LOL im such a dork. :D  
  
Next Chapter: Industrial Rooftops 


	4. Industrial RoofTops

Lara Croft's Journey: _AOD_  
  
Chapter Four: Industrial Roof Tops  
  
Hello and um...hi. lol well i dont know what else to say so um here's the chapter:  
  
Lara walked up to the little ladder thingy, climbed it and walked under a wire thingy.  
  
CVLara-That wire looks like it will take my weight.  
  
Lara-wire? isnt that a bit thin, how about cable?  
  
CVLara-for like a t.v.?  
  
Lara-no, like a cable cable. you know the cable kind of cables.  
  
CVLara looks at lara  
  
CVLara-um...no...well whatever, lets climb it!  
  
As they are shimmying or whatever across the cable thingy, CVLara and Lara talk to eachother.  
  
Lara-...CVLara...i have something to tell you...  
  
CVLara-What is that?  
  
Lara-Im afraid of heights.  
  
CVLara- ---- please, like im about to believe that, you've gone up on so many high ledges that you could brag about it!  
  
Lara-I know I know, but  
  
CVLara- press duck to pull my legs up!  
  
Lara-gawd...:: mentaly presses duck button ::  
  
Then out of nowhere, this helicopter comes up, which is strange because you know they are so noisy that they should've heard it a mile away...yet there it was, and it surprised them.  
  
Helicopter-Get off of the cable!  
  
Lara-what?  
  
Helicopter-Get off of the cable!  
  
Lara-Eh?  
  
Helicopter-Get off of the cable!!  
  
Lara-im sorry, my hearings a bit down, what was that again?  
  
Helicopter-YEEEEARGH!!! :: starts shooting lara ::  
  
CVLara & Lara-quit it will you!  
  
Once they get to the end of the cable, they run off the top of the building, run down, then jump to another roof top.  
  
CVLara-And you said you're afraid of heights!  
  
Lara-Omg! I am! AHHHHHHH!!!  
  
The helicopter continued to shoot them, so they jumped onto another building, slid across on the inclined roof, and broke into a building by falling through a window.  
  
Lara-:: looks around :: oooooh a chocolate bar!! :: runs to bar ::  
  
CVLara-We need to get out of here!  
  
Lara- yeah whatever...mmmmmmm good chocolate bar...:: looks directly at screen :: Good Chocolate Bar, brought to by MeatCo, they've got the best in meat! :: smiles at screen :: :: teeth show huge bits of chocolate everywhere :: arent i sexy!  
  
Later Lara found herself at the last building top that she new she was gonna encounter. Reaching the edge, she looked down and took a few steps back.  
  
Then all of a sudden the screen went blue again  
  
CVLara-Green  
  
Oh yeah green, the screen went green again :: wink ::  
  
Lara-Im telling you its neon!  
  
CVLara-and IM telling you that its summer green!  
  
Lara-If we're gonna keep arguing over this, we might as well finish this off...once and for good!  
  
Both stare at eachother, and out of nowhere a western movie-theme-song plays.  
  
dun dun dun dun...mwa mwa mwa....doo doo doo doo doo...mmwwa mmwwa mmwwa!...anyway  
  
Both suddenly turn around, and stare directly at the helicopter  
  
CVLara & Lara-So which is it??  
  
Helicopter-huh?  
  
Lara-is that color of green...um...uh is it neon or summer?  
  
CVLara-yeah! :: sticks tongue out :: wait...gah...---- (you can tell that my mind went blank here :D)  
  
Helicopter-...its neither of those.  
  
Both Laras-What?!  
  
Helicopter-Look, i wasnt programmed to do this, Im just supposed to try to kill you but dont. Now why dont you just do what you have to do, so I can just be put to rest already.  
  
Both Laras stare at eachother  
  
Both Laras-Um...well okay. But hey Enrique, what are you doing this friday night?  
  
Helicopter(Enrique)-Oh, nothing, Im gonna go to Megahoohoos for a burger with my daughter.  
  
Lara-Aww, how sweet, what was her name again?  
  
Enrique-Daisy, so yeah, okay just go along now, do what you have to do.  
  
Cut scence (should've put that before huh?) continues and Lara does a daring jump across to another building, she grabs onto a pipe but it bust and she falls luckily into a dumpster.  
  
Both Laras get out of the dumpster and Lara decides to take a look at it.  
  
Lara-:: looks at parisian graffitti :: hmm..."your mum aint no taquito"....."2-40 baby"...and whats this? "Martha Stewart wuz here 5- 706589856, word to ya muther!"  
  
Both Laras look at eachother, and Lara takes out a paper.  
  
CVLara-Its time I visited prague...wait...no, silly me.  
  
Lara-hah you messed up! :: singing in little kid taunting melody :: you messed up! hah hah hah hah ha!  
  
They both walk towards the screen then away, and the next level picture pops up:  
  
Carvi...Caravans....Cardios...:: cough :: Carviers Apartment  
  
(since this chapter is kinda short, Im mixing in this level with the Carvier one)  
  
Both Laras walk up to apartment, camera zooms in on little box with numbers  
  
Box-shhhhkkkkkkkshhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Who is it?  
  
CVLara-Mlle Carv...um..Cuver...ack Carvier, its me Lara Croft.  
  
Box-shhhhhhhhhkkkkkkkkshhhhhkkk!! Talk to the mail  
  
CVLara-What?  
  
Box-shhhhhhhhhkkkkkkkkkkksssshk!!! Talk to the mail!  
  
Lara-i think she means through the little mail hole.  
  
Both Laras bend down, to little mail slot and Carvier lifts up mail slot thingy.  
  
Carvier-Ms Croft, I regonize you from phottos and werners description.  
  
Lara-oh...okay.  
  
Carvier-:: puts down slot thingy :: :: breathes heavy :: :: lifts up slot thingy :: so do you want to come in?  
  
CVLara-um...yes yes, I think we do.  
  
You can hear on the other side of the door banging and explosion noises, and Mlle Carvier screaming "Aye Way!!" Then she slowly opens the door.  
  
Suddenly the Camera is on Carviers face.  
  
Carvier-An evil night to be out alone Ms Croft, out streets are no safe anymore.  
  
Lara-how the hell did we get here--oh...um well actually they have been much safter than the roof tops, Ill tell you that :: sighs :: :: chuckles :: mm...yeah....oh yeah, Mlle Carvier I have just arrived from Werner's apartment.  
  
Carvier-Oh and how is Werner?  
  
Lara-Im afriad Werner is--  
  
Carvier-Dead?  
  
Lara-um...yes.  
  
Carvier-:: sigh :: this always happens, i ask out a guy on a date, and they always die, every single one of them. :: shakes head in depression ::  
  
...oh wait...thats not it is it?  
  
Lara-actually...  
  
Carvier-Dead?!  
  
CVLara- Now Lara pick which you'd like to choose.  
  
Little sentence choices pop up (and in future refernce ill call em LSCPU, k?)  
  
1. Yes, and I dont have time to waste, Im being chased all over paris.  
  
2.Okay so i dont remember this one.  
  
3. Would you like me to get you anything?  
  
4. The dingo ate my baby :: in astraillan accent ::  
  
Lara-:: thinks about it ::....um..Ill go with number 1. number 4 brings back bad memories.  
  
Lara-Yes, and I dont have time to waste, Im being chased all over paris.  
  
Carvier-blah blah blah, listen I have a raiders game to play :: out of nowhere people jump out with Raider foam gloves :: :: then go back :: so why dont we just cut this to the end of the conversation. :: scratches butt ::  
  
Lara-...um okay..you said he left something behind, porn perhaps?  
  
Carvier-No, his field notebook  
  
Lara-Like i said, porn perhaps.  
  
Lara thinks back to when she and Werner first met, and were at Cambodia  
  
:: flash back ::  
  
Lara-Werner! What do we do now  
  
Werner-this is amazing! wait lara, you go along, i need to write some "notes" down in my notebook.  
  
Lara-um..okay.  
  
Werner-oh yeah baby...give it to me :: stares into notebook ::  
  
:: end of flash back ::  
  
Carvier-well whatever, it was addressed to you, if something were to happen to him.  
  
Lara-well then give it to me.  
  
Carvier-You say you didnt kill Werner, you say you dont remember clearly what happened to Werner, maybe the police are right in suspecting you.  
  
Lara-:: Another LSCPU pops up and shows different sentences, Lara picks the most likely to not get her the notebook in the future :: If I wanted to kill Werner, I could've dont that in Egypt...or in Cambodia. I mean comeon he was like 60 years old! his leg got caught in that thing anyway so it doesnt matter.  
  
Carvier-I think you better leave Ms croft. My Miniraiders dont like guest...:: in the background you can hear a lot of hissing ::  
  
Lara-what about the notebook Madame?  
  
Carvier-I have it, it is in safe keeping.  
  
Lara-Then I suggest that you give it to me now!  
  
Carvier-um...wait wasnt this supposed to happen a while ago...well whatever, um..Im not gonna give it to you, yadda yadda yadda...now leave cuz im gonna call the cops.  
  
Lara-gah!  
  
Carvier goes into another room and lara decides to find the book herself.  
  
Lara-:: looks around :: :: goes to kitchen :: ah ha! I found it!! :: raises six-pack of corona beer...wait...:: goes to drawer :: :: looks through it :: okay now i actually found it.  
  
CVLara-well it took you long enough, the police men are already here.  
  
They both run off, and another cutscence starts, Lara walks up to a window, vaults over/out of the window, and lands on the floor. She looks up and runs away.  
  
The next level picture pops up and shows "Paraisian Ghetto"  
  
The next level loads and lara is in a bus.  
  
End of chapter  
  
okay so what do ya think? i hope yall enjoyed it lol  
  
stay tunned or something for the next chapter:  
  
Paraisian Ghetto  
  
tomby 


	5. Parisian Ghetto PI

Lara Croft Journeys: AOD  
  
Chatper Five: Parisan Ghetto P.I  
  
OKay before you read on, I had a much better chapter than what you're about to read, but my computer messed up on me, and i had to reformat my hard drive, but before i did that I forgot to save the fifth chapter on a disk, and well you know everything went away. Please dont flame me if you do not like this chapter...im very sorry.  
  
now on with the fic!  
  
Both Laras awoke to a sudden feeling of nausia, not knowing what to do, they ran outside, ran over to some hobos pitch, and--  
  
Lara- :: burps :: Oh wow, okay.  
  
CVLara-:: burps ::  
  
Both- Oh, I thought i was sick, but I just had to burp, :D  
  
Hobo1(well call him Amelio)- ?  
  
Hobo2-(lets call him....something to go with the other one's name...ooh i know, Skyler :: wink ::) ?  
  
Both laras look up at Amelio and Skyler.  
  
Lara-Hi...im looking for a man,  
  
Amelio-Well then look no futher my petite.  
  
CVLara-Not just any man, a peticular man, name of Bouchard, know him?  
  
Amelio-No, never heard of him.  
  
Lara-What about you, over there, standing up.  
  
Amelio-Mlle, he doesnt speak. :: gets up ::  
  
CVLara-what is he a mute? :: laughs and gives lara a high five ::  
  
Amelio-.....yes.  
  
CVLara-oh...  
  
Lara continues laughing.  
  
Lara-So he never speaks?  
  
Amelio-um...No, hey you, with the braid, got any spare change, for a coffee?  
  
CVLara-Do you know where I can find bouchard?  
  
Amelio-Go away, I've never heard of him.  
  
Lara-:: pokes Skyler with a stick :: Wow he really doesnt say anything.....hmm....What is your name sir? :: pokes him again ::  
  
CVLara-stop it.  
  
Skyler-......  
  
Lara-:: looks up strangley :: I could use a coffee how about you? ....:: shakes head::....aww dammit! :: looks away and continues to talk to Skyler ::  
  
CVLara-..well yeah, what she said.  
  
Amelio-Well yeah I could use one, you know, um...yeah  
  
CVLara-well tell me where bouchard is.  
  
Amelio-Thats it lady, :: looses french accent :: :: does weird hip movement ::  
  
Lara-GASP!  
  
Amelio-uh huh, oh yeah, you've been surved! yeah S-U-R-V-E-D!  
  
Both Laras-SUPER GASP!!!  
  
Lara-well whatever, handle it CVLara, im gonna try to pry some words out of this guys mouth.  
  
CVLara walks up to Amelio, and falls on floor, shes does "the worm" but makes it look more like some weird movement to pop your back.  
  
CVLara-oh yeah.....im bringing it.  
  
Meanwhile....  
  
Lara-Well...um....do you think im pretty?  
  
Skyler-.....  
  
Lara-...um...Would you like some coffee?  
  
Skyler-......  
  
Lara-OKAY, thats it! Wheres your nearest porn shop?!  
  
Skyler-Right around the corner Mlle.  
  
suddenly all of them are in a porn shop, and CVLara is still doing the move on the floor which now does not look right at all   
  
Amelio-Lady, you are sexy, but that move could not get any grosser.  
  
CVLara-:: slowly makes frowny face :: :: gets up off of floor ::  
  
Skyler-Here at the Pleasure Chest, we have all kinds of fun stuff here! We have everything, anything from bondage to--  
  
Lara-STOP!!! Now I can see why you dont talk...  
  
CVLara-No you dont.  
  
Writers block hit here and I continue in a dorky way.....  
  
Both Lara eventually get out of the porn shop, get back to where they were before, and climp up the pipe, jump to where that guy by the dumpster is and.....  
  
Both Laras walk by the guy.  
  
Guy-Looking for anything spec--  
  
CVLara-Dont even try, just ge-get- out of my face, out of my face. :: takes out gun and shoots they guy ::  
  
Walks through the door and talks to the hooker at the street corner.  
  
CVLara-Not a lot of passing trade at this hour.  
  
Ho-Its early yet, move along ma cher, you make the place look crowded....but come back on thursday, maybe I can help you out :: winks ::  
  
CVLara-...eww no, but um...yeah anyway I wouldnt worry were not in the same...."class"  
  
Ho-Oh that attitude wont get you far 'round here sweet thing.  
  
Lara-this girls freaking me out.  
  
Well both Laras talk to ho, who turns out to be their nanny from long ago, her name is Janice, and they set up a date for next friday....no not for that, they want to have tea and go watch barney.  
  
Anyway Janice told them to go see Peirre, at the café metro, and talk to him because hes a loser and they could easily make fun of him.  
  
yes that is why.  
  
Well since its late im gonna end this here. Sorry, please read the next chapter whenever that is,  
  
Parisian Ghetto P.II 


	6. Parisian Ghetto PII Entrance to Le Serpe...

Lara Croft Journeys: AOD

Chapter Six: Parisian Ghetto P.II/ Entrance to Le Serpent Rouge

Well, it sure has been a long time since I've updated. . .so yeah here it is!

Both Laras walk into the Café Metro, they slowly made their way to the counter where they saw the obvious owner talking on the phone.

**Lara-** Gawd, you think that we'd get some better service around here.

**CVLara-** Lara, you're such a retard : presses action button :

**Pierre-** I forgot my line.

**CVLara-** Dear lord, could this game get anymore glitches?

**Pierre-** This—only—paying—customers—253-5356…

**Lara-** Whats up with the number?

**Pierre-** It's mine, my petite: winks :

**CVLara-** I'm a dangerous girl. . . um. . . yeah, give me the key to Le Serpent Rouge.

**Pierre-** Um alright here?

**Lara-** Come on lets go! Wait. . . what are we getting?

**Pierre-** It's something I left behind. . .

**CVLara-** Where can we find this?. . .

**Pierre-** In a stage light, the one that doesn't work. . . erk. . . erk. . . erk. . .

**Lara-** : singing : The freaks come out at night! The freak comes out at niiight!

**Both Laras-** Okay, I can work with that.

**CVLara-** dear lord this segment couldn't get anyworse! Let's go.

Both Laras leave and jog to Le Serpent Rouge.

As soon as they get there, they are seen by this young looking lad.

**Lara-** Don't forget the motorcycle.

Ah, yes, a young lad with a motorcycle.

**CVLara-** And a nice bod

Um. . . Okay. . . and A nice bod?

**Lara-** And a rugged face. . . : drools :

Dear lord. . . And a rugged face

**CVLara-** And eyes that glisten in the moonlight where he will take me one night and we will sing and talk and dance and have candles, and talk to that famous talking bear, and we'll kiss and and—

ENOUGH! A guy saw them, got on—

**Lara-** His motorcycle

YES! His motorcycle and scurried off.

Both Lara's made their way into Le Serpent Rouge.

As they walked in, they notice that the camera that had been following them the whole time, flew off into a nearby room and they saw a security-guard-type person.

**CVLara-** We need to be extra quiet. . . quick! Go over to that switch : points at switch, and in doing so knocks Lara on the floor with, yes, her one finger :

BAM (that'd be sad if I got attacked by like emril fans cause I used his "catch phrase" even though its only one word. . . ah well)

**Security Guard-** Huh? What. . . what else is in the teaches of peaches. . .

**Both Laras-** Huh. . . What?. . .

(it's a song, now on with the fic!)

The security guard decided that he should go check out what was going on and as soon as he got out, Both Lara's did a "stealthy" move/attack type thing and they killed him.

**Security Guard-** I'll never forget this! I'll never. . . : blinks to death :

Both Laras walk into the room that the security guard was in and take all the things that were in there. Quite literally.

**Lara-** Where do I put this filing cabinet?

Yes, disturbing, I know. What was more disturbing was what would happen next.

**Lara-** And what is that?

You'll find out in the next chapter.

**CVLara-** Oh, because we ARENT programmed in the game and we definitely WONT find out what happens. Stupid fu--.

**Lara-** It's a beautiful day, so why don't you smile?

Fin

So this wasn't as funny as the other chapters, but I'm working on it.

See ya at the next chapter:

Chapter Seven: Le Serpent Rouge


End file.
